Thomas's Monday Morning Poetry

Good morning,

Humans are funny creatures. We all live in our own little bubbles. We think that within these bubbles our problems and issues are unique. We are like horses with blinkers on: we can only look forward. What is happening peripherally is of no interest, even though it can be of great consequence.

The only real truth about us is that we are excellent at repeating history. For every person that has cheated on his lover in the past, there is someone repeating that persons actions as I write. It is as if we are genetically programmed to repeat ours and others’ mistakes while thinking that our actions are unique, while in fact all we are doing is duplicating our errors.

The bright side to this bleak picture is that for every duplicated error, there is a good deed that has been repeated. It is just a pity that the good deeds are usually forgotten in favour of remembering events that cause heartache.



A few more words from Kahlil Gibran

Seven Reprimands

I reprimanded my souls seven times.
The first time: when I attempted to exalt myself by exploiting the weak.
The second time: when I feigned a limp before those who were crippled.
The third time: when, given the choice, I elected the easy rather than the difficult.
The fourth time: when I made a mistake I consoled myself with the mistakes of others.
The fifth time: when I was docile because of fear and then claimed to be strong in patience.
The sixth time: when I held my garments upraised to avoid the mud of Life.
The seventh time: when I stood in hymnal to God and considered the singing a virtue.

I’ve quoted this author and this passage of poetry before, but it is so sublime that it is worth repeating.

The Ballad of Reading Gaol (extract)

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with hands of lust,
Some with the hands of gold;
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.

Some love too little, some too long,
Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
And some without a sigh;
For each man kills the thing he loves,
Yet each man does not die.

Oscar Wilde

GO BOKKE!!!

And the score was... 26(boks)-16(wales)...yee haa!!!

We left from Shepherds Bush, London at 7.30am on a bus full of saffa's, arrived in Cardiff at about 11am. Petal, Monkey, Lara, Keenan, Michelle, Mathew, Shelly, Mikey and I were all on the bus, and we met up with Danie(who was wearing his kilt and continuously flashing his boxers which said BOKNAAI on them...he he), Ryan and Kelly at a pub in Cardiff. It was bloody freezing!!! I was shivering so much with 4 layers on, and am having SERIOUS doubts about surviving a UK winter!!

Cardiff is a cool town, quite quaint and pretty...I could almost live there if it wasn't so cold! I think it came as a bit of a suprise to some of us saffa's that the language in Wales is Welsh and not English... call me ignorant...i just didn't think of it...

Mikey made it through the day ok, with his morphine to keep the pain at bay, and we all had a wicked time!! It was sooo cool to hang with him! There were over 72 000 people at the stadium, which someone said is one of the biggest in the world??

I also was lucky enough to get a photo of Schalky's sexy muddy ass(on the left)!

Yesterday I went to Reading with Sanel to drop off her junk at her brothers place. It was cool to have me and bokkie time, I am going to seriously miss that girl! She leaves for Cambridge on Wednesday!

On Wednesday night Petal & Monkey are having a braai for Mikes bday and we'll get a group of us together. He probably goes back to SA in just over a week for his operation and who knows when he'll be back here. I wouldn't blame him if he stayed in SA, the weather is damn miserable here at the moment!!

After keeping it relatively together all week, yesterday i kinda fell apart...I'm so glad Sanel was there and am very lucky to have her love and friendship. I love you my Bokkie!!

It's Daves birthday today, i set my alarm to text him at 12 last night, hence my inability to get up this morning! Happy Birfday LEWIS!!

don't wanna let go

Shooo...it was almost 2 weeks ago already when we all met at Slug & Lettuce to say howzit to Mike a few days after he arrived. It was great to get everyone in one place and celebrate, have a few too many pints, and even dance to some cheesy slug music...and in my case, burst into drunken tears and leave for no valid reason.(it was valid enough to me, ok? especially in my tired, semi-drunk state). I saw Somayya for the first time in months, it was really good to just put our sh*t behind us and get on with being friends already. I am going to spend some time with her tonight, at an Islamic function/speech of some sort. Since religions are intriguing to me, this will be interesting methinks. I like the basic principals of Islam, those that I know about at least.

On Tuesday Mike got the final results to his diagnosis (as you know he has just finished a year of Chemo and was supposed to be BETTER!) But this is not the case. I knew what time he was seeing the doctor, and after calling his phone only to hear it go into voice mail about 5 times, I waited for him to call me. I was sitting in a pub with a friend who was down from Coventry for a little while, and the phone rang. The minute he said "Sobey, I need to see you in Baker Street in half an hour" I knew that what we'd all been dreading had been confirmed. Neville was cool and totally understanding (having been there himself) when I had a little freak out and said I needed to go. No matter how much you prepare yourself for these things, it is always a shock. My mind kind of switched off and I found my way to the station and onto the train, and while I knew the truth, all I could think was "tell me it's all fine, that it's not spread, that you will be fine soon". I met up with him and his parents at the Globe in Baker Street and he told me the truth. That the cancer has infact spread, up his spine, into his pelvis, chest and bone marrow...and the dreaded words, there is not much more they can do. He is on a 2 week course of Chemo (which the doctors do not think will make a difference...but it's worth a try) and then he is going back to SA(where medical aid will cover) for an operation to remove some of the tumour, just to alleviate his pain. Once he has recovered from that, he will probably come back to London to give Clinical Trials a bash, and to spend time with his family. It was his 27th birthday yesterday. I went over for supper and me and his sister made food. It was very cool to spend time with them, and I think we just have to focus on making the most of every day, and being there for him in every way possible. All his friends in PE had a dinner for him last night and called him and cheers'd to him many times, it was very sweet!! He is so loved by so many people, and has touched so many lives and he is a massive inspiration to all. I just feel blessed to have met him. He is at peace with the situation too, which makes me feel more peaceful, but not much less sad. He's amazing. It's so good to have him here...oh, how i want to be possessive and never let him go. But i can't and won't.

Sanel had her farewell on Sunday...my bokkie and closest neighbour and friend has left me to go help disabled people! She too has and is going to still touch many lives, I am lucky to have met her. We had lunch at the Little Bay in Wandsworth, which is like fairyland inside. It has all these little enclosed tables and secretive upstairs areas, plenty of bright colours and fantastical decor. The toilets have the most amazing art...it's bordering on porn/erotica, but it's very arty and very beautiful. Lunch was suprisingly cheap for the choice and quality of food we got too...Highly recommended, especially for a romantic evening out!

I've been spending some time with Shells, and emailing Petal a lot, and phoning Janine and Somayya, and they too have been amazing friends(amongst everyone else) and we manage to lift each other up, and I know we will get through these tough times because we have each other. I am really very lucky to have the friends that I do.

We (well, Petal & Shelly actually) managed to get Mike a ticket for the rugby in Cardiff tommorrow. There's gonna be quite a group of us going, it's going to be so much fun. I(and his folks) worry about Mike since he's pretty knackered lately(with the chemo & heavy pain pills), but he is SOO psyched for it, so I hope he can make it. SA vs Wales...should be grrreat!!

may the fairies be with you xoxo

eyes tight shut

On Sunday while running to draw money at the ATM in the freezing cold in Clapham, I saw something that made me stop and smile, and reminisce. A beautiful little girl, hanging onto her daddy's hand, her eyes tight shut. Absolute blind faith and trust, that her father wouldn't allow her to walk into things, that he'd protect her against everything. Cheesy perhaps, but real.

I remember a time when i was like that. When i never mistrusted anyone, when the worst thing someone could do to me was call me ugly names, and even that I forgave within 30 seconds, without an apology. When I believed my parents were God, and they would protect me forever. As I got older i rebelled against their protection...now look at me... I can be bitter and cynical, it normally takes me years to fully trust anyone, my faith in humanity has faded, I hold grudges even though I say I don't. F*ck, I don't even trust myself sometimes. But there are times when I do trust, and I do have faith, there are times when I feel just like that little girl hanging onto her daddys hand, the only difference is i'm hanging onto something else, i'm not quite sure what it is, but it makes me feel strong and whole.

I wonder how different it would be if I hadn't rebelled. I would probably be a lot more naive, a lot more uncertain of myself, married off to anyone, since i didn't believe i was good enough to get who I wanted, I'd have loads of kids to distract me from self-reflection (or vanity..in erm..peeb terms), I'd still have guilt and issues with the person I am, I'd not have travelled anywhere (except for weekends watching the inside walls of a meeting room in a foreign country..if i was lucky), or been able to appreciate all the different places, people and cultures(except a few mtg related conversations with strange girls, who were either always fake, or just on a totally different level to me...."superior" maybe) , I'd still be asking questions, still not getting satisfactory answers, but I'd have learnt to brush it off and pretend it didn't matter. I'd have learnt to let somebody dictate to me..or would I ever get used to that? I might have finally learnt the art of accepting without question...although i doubt it. I'd have lost my ability to make decisions, or think clearly, or decide what i wanted. I would have become fully dependant, trapped, tortured, and worst of all i'd have learnt to ignore the call of my soul. For mine was always different.

A New Era, A New Blog

Time to end http://thewanderingfairy.blogspirit.com and move to this spot.
A time for rising, taking life by the balls, facing the music & fighting for what matters most. To write has become impossible, for fear of realising my emotions and letting go in any way. To blog or not to blog.