Poi!

Jojo playing poi next to Camden Lock on Saturday. Gosh, i'm gonna miss this girl when she moves out!!!
The goal (for me anyway) is to get good enough to advance to fire-poi. In the meantime, learning new moves is loads of fun. Good for playing in the park on a summer day!









Websites of interest:
Home of Poi
Oddballs (shop in Camden)
Poispinning

Enjoy x

Drum Circle

Jo & I (with Bryony & Kitty) at a drum circle at Akwaaba in Camden a few weeks ago. We tried hard to keep up, but will definitely try the beginners class next time.

Drum Circles - countrywide
Camden Arts & Crafts
Drum & Dance Meditations

LAUGH!!

"We don’t laugh because we’re happy, we’re happy because we laugh." -- William James

Why laugh? Laughter nourishes the soul and triggers joy. It’s a natural stress reliever. It stimulates the immune system and increases oxygen, stamina and our breathing capacity. Medical literature is full of reasons to laugh for the health of it.

Don’t rely upon your funny friends, favorite sit-com or jokes to tickle your funny bone -- just laugh for the joy of it!

"Laughter is like the human body wagging its tail." -- Anne Wilson Schaef

"Joyfulness keeps the heart and face young. A good laugh makes us better friends with ourselves and everybody around us." Orison Swett Marden

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face." Victor Hugo

"Earth laughs in flowers. " Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Life, love, and laughter -- what priceless gifts to give our children." Phyllis Dryden

Laughing Song
by William Blake

When the green woods laugh with the voice of joy,
And the dimpling stream runs laughing by;
When the air does laugh with our merry wit,
And the green hill laughs with the noise of it;

when the meadows laugh with lively green,
And the grasshopper laughs in the merry scene,
When Mary and Susan and Emily
With their sweet round mouths sing "Ha, ha he!"

When the painted birds laugh in the shade,
Where our table with cherries and nuts is spread:
Come live, and be merry, and join with me,
To sing the sweet chorus of "Ha, ha, he!"

Tom's Monday Morning Poetry!

Good morning all,

Easter is such a lovely time. A nice little religious holiday that is needed by all. That is what we must remember about this time. It is a religious holiday. So, if you are of the Christian faith, it is religious to you.

So, what I would like to do is emulate our esteemed politicians. Instead of crossing the parliamentary floor and joining another party, why not change your religion for the sake of other religions’ religious days. You would have to be tactical about this though: you can’t stick to one religion for too long. There are 43 religious holidays in a calendar year. Add to his amount the other public holidays and the total could make this tactic worthwhile.

Here’s a thought: use it, don’t use it.

We humans tease ourselves to distraction. We live the daily grind and delude ourselves that we are happy with the hand we have dealt ourselves.

Yes: we delude ourselves that we are happy with the hand that we have dealt ourselves.

What rot.

There is a tool that God gives us that none of us use to its full potential: the mind. Not the brain. Not intellect. Not the gift of thought. The mind. We each possess limitless potential: it’s not our minds that limit us, it’s we that limit our minds. When we limit our minds, we limit ourselves.

Think about this when you are going about your daily business. How much better could you be if you opened your mind?


Here’s another passage out of the Lao Tzu:

If we stop looking for ‘persons of superior morality’ to put into power, there will be no more jealousies among the people. If we cease to set store by products that are hard to get, there will be no more thieves. If the people never see such things as excite desire, their hearts will remain placid and undisturbed. Therefore the Sage rules

By emptying their hearts
And filling their bellies,
Weakening their intelligence
And toughening their sinews
Ever striving to make the people knowlegeless
And desireless.

Indeed he sees to it that if there be any who have knowledge, they dare not interfere. Yet through his actionless activity all things are duly regulated.

As the advert says, it makes you think, doesn’t it?

Tootle pip,
Thomas

Broken Open

I have been meaning to write about this book for a while. I found it in a bookshop in Camden after when I got back from SA after Mikey died. A few of my close friends are going through some difficult and really painful times right now, and i'd like to recommend they get their hands on the book. It hit home with me and really helped me to cope in a time when I sometimes doubted that i was strong enough to cope. It helped me to view what seemed negative, in a much more positive way. Elizabeth Lesser, the author, concentrates a lot on what she calls the 'Phoenix Process'. A Phoenix is a legendary Arabian bird said to periodically burn itself to death and emerge from the ashes as a new phoenix; according to most versions only one phoenix lived at a time and it renewed itself every 500 years. The Phoenix process is how you need to go through the fire in order to come out cleansed, changed and new and more wise on the other side (figuretively speaking). She challenges you to face the fire, stay awake in the face of horrid things, and learn the lessons you need to learn from life's challenges and come out a better person.

“If we can stay awake when our lives are changing, secrets will be revealed to us—secrets about ourselves, about the nature of life, and about the eternal source of happiness and peace that is always available, always renewable, already within us.”—ELIZABETH LESSER

More about the book:

"During times of transition, amid everyday stress, and even when we face seemingly insurmountable adversity, life offers us a choice: to turn away from change or to embrace it; to shut down or to be broken open and transformed. In the more than twenty-five years since she cofounded the Omega Institute—now the world’s largest personal-growth and spiritual retreat center—Elizabeth Lesser has been an intimate witness to the ways in which human beings deal with change, loss, and difficulty. She herself has struggled to submit to what she calls the “Phoenix Process”— allowing herself to be broken open in order to rise like the mythical bird from the ashes of past mistakes and suffering.

In this beautifully written, often funny, and always inspiring book, Lesser has gathered together true stories about ordinary people who by design or disaster decided to step boldly into a fuller life. Here are profoundly moving narratives of fears overcome and risks taken; of hard times and difficult passages; of betrayal, divorce, sickness, and death; and of the day-to-day challenges of raising children, earning a living, and growing older. By sharing her own most human traits, Lesser helps us feel less lonely in our own struggles, and more optimistic about the possibility of transformation.

Broken Open also introduces us to some of the world’s greatest spiritual teachers—both ancient and living—and imparts the wisdom of various traditions, from Buddhist meditation to Sufi dance, and from Christian prayer to contemporary psychotherapy. Eminently practical, Lesser provides tools to support us in our quest for a clearer sense of purpose and a new passion for life. Broken Open is not only a testament to the inner richness and potential of every life but also a deeply trustworthy guide to the dynamics of healing and growth—how we resist and how we surrender, how we stay stuck and how we grow, and how we can turn misfortune into insight, and grief into joy. It helps us to discover within ourselves a fearless heart, a clear mind, and a shining soul.

QUOTES

"Elizabeth Lesser bravely and beautifully explores one of the most compelling questions of life: how do we emerge from suffering and challenge with real, encompassing wisdom and love. Broken Open is personal, pragmatic and enlightening."—Sharon Salzberg, author of Faith: Trusting Your Own Deepest Experience

"Never again will a painful experience wipe me out. This book shows how you can transform any difficult transition into a time of great strength and awakening."—Jane Fonda

“There's more food for philosophical mastication--and more sparkling good sense--in one lucid chapter of Broken Open than in a library of ordinary books on similar subjects.”—Tom Robbins

“Elizabeth Lesser has written a most extraordinary book that examines our relationship to the changing nature of life. Lesser, a brilliantly gifted writer, has created a treasure chest of personal stories that bring wisdom, insight, compassion, and common sense to the experiences familiar to so many of us as the years of our lives unfold within their immortal cycle of endings and new beginnings.”—CAROLINE MYSS, author of Sacred Contracts and Anatomy of the Spirit

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY ELIZABETH LESSER is the co-founder of Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York, which offers conferences and workshops attended by twenty thousand people a year. Formerly a midwife, she attended Barnard College and San Francisco State University. The mother of three grown sons, she lives in the Hudson Valley with her husband.

Strength to those of you who need it most now, you know who you are!
Lots of love
S xoxo

The Easter Bunny bringeth changes..

Last weekend the easter bunny snuck into my life and sprinkled it with chocolate bunny dust which turned me into all kinds of things at different times. On Thursday night, early easter bunny dust transformed me into a wild, crazy, free, dancing fairy at the Whitehouse with Jason, Shelly, Natasha, Kerry, Joao Paulo, Jojo and Marcus. Most rushed off to catch the last tube home, but i was having none of it...

Good friday was erm, not so good, since the easter bunny vanished so i was feeling pretty tired & out of it...was still worth the good dance session & getting to see me mates though!! The sun was shining, but as much as i wanted to get out, my feet(and head) needed rest...so i slept until i was awakened in the afternoon by the arrival of Dallas & his girlfriend Marianne from the Isle of Mann. Dallas was one of the guys that lived and worked in Florida with me, Jo, Shellz & Somayya. It was great to catch up with him and meet his woman. We went to the Crown (the pub i used to work at) for food and a few drinks, and then bought some beer from the offie and Somayya & her friend Chris joined us at home. It was good to see my darling Somayya again too! Dallas & Marriane have since convinced me that the Isle of Mann is a definite destination, since they have mushrooms that grow in a perfect circle, called fairy rings(pic below), there's also a bridge that if you cross over and if don't wave to the faeries your car has a blowout a mile up the road, and there's plenty of nature worship & tree-hugging going on there...so i would be happy as a pig in shit, and probably never leave. If you don't believe in fairies, you better start believing!! Dallas doing a 'twirly wirly' to somayya. Somayya, Marriane, Dallas, Me & Chris.

Saturday was sprinkled with chilled out white chocolate bunny dust. Jo & I woke early when Dallas & Marriane left and then just relaxed in our pyjamas till about 12 when we went to meet Cat, who came in from Coventry to spend a hobbity easter weekend. We headed for the Natural History Museum, but the queue was horrendous, so we headed to Hyde Park. The weather soon turned cold, as it is famous for doing in this beautiful land...so we headed to Knightsbridge to meet Somayya and then to the V&A Museum , which is a museum of decorative arts. They had an exhibition called 'Modernism' on which i'd have loved to see, but it was pretty expensive. Anyway the 4 of us got lost in art for a while, oh sculptures just make me feel something. I cannot explain it. I know nothing of famous sculptors, and have not attempted to sculpt anything myself ever, besides a paper mache pig in primary school...he he! Sculptures just put me in another space, kind of similar to fairyland, and i could just get lost in them forever. Maybe i think too deeply, wondering what they represent, or why the artist did something a certain way, or filling my mind with the mythology behind them. The bottom 2 are cool, "Valour & Cowardice" and "Truth & Falsehood".

This one is a bit like i felt when i was still amongst the brethren, i'm afraid to say...it's called The Slave, by Michelangelo...I am forever thankful that I managed to free myself!!

On Saturday night darling Kitty Cat made the most delicious pasta, and Somayya, Jojo, Albert and my new ex-pb friend Bradley just sat around and chatted, danced and had a wonderful relaxing evening! Once again it is great to meet someone who shares the same past, goes through the same emotions and yet is not bitter and angry. Respect to Bradley!

On Sunday morning we woke up early and Cat, Jo & I headed for Speakers Corner in Hyde Park. Click here to read up about it. I'm tempted to quote the whole passage, but i'll leave you to read it yourself. All I can say is that if you haven't been and you are interested in history, politics & religion and you have an open mind...then you have to go. Prepare to have your mindsets challenged!! It is so very interesting! I had to rush off and go have Easter lunch with my 'other parents' Rob & Sheila, who were over from SA visiting their daughter in Barnes. It was wonderful to be amongst family!! Their were 6 kids running around, hunting for easter eggs, and delicious food, and of course company of people very very close to my heart! Rob & Sheila mean a lot to me! Not only have they been good to me, but they are un-judging & kind and always waiting with open arms whenever i need a hug. If I was Christian I'd want to be like them! Well I want to be like them anyway, but you know what I mean. 4 of their grandchildren stuffing their faces after the most exciting easter egg hunt!!! Gorgeous huh?

Sunday night we just chilled Kitty, Jo, Oscie & I just chilled out at home together and most of monday was really really lazy, until kitty headed back to Coventry and Jo, Oscie, my housemate Luke & I headed for the park, relaxed and played poi. Jojo has found a room to stay in in Canada Water, she's moving on the 10th of May...and I will miss her so incredibly much!! I'm going to have to get used to sleeping alone again ;o( Don't gooo, Joooooo! She is undoubtebly my soul sister and I love her to bits. I'm definitely going to share her bed when i have time off from my caring job though!!

On Wednesday I did rather a massive thing. I blame the easter bunnies mental impulsive chocolate bunny dust. Or rather thank him/her/it. I handed in my months notice at my work, where I've been for a year. I've applied with a few Care agencies to do Live-in carework, where I could be placed anywhere in the UK for 3 weeks at a time. I figured I only have 6 months left on my visa, so i may as well work a more rewarding job, get paid better and hopefully get a bit more travels in. I will also have a less hectic social life and get time to concentrate on my Business Plan & Sociology. What then? Who knows, I don't want to go back home yet! Nishimatsu was very cool about it, since business is so quiet at the moment...however i've been kept very busy this week since my Supervisor's gone on maternity leave...hence no blogging up until today! I have experience in carework, since my granny was basically bedridden with Osteoporosis for 10 years and my mom & i looked after her mostly and I looked after a paraplegic guy in South Africa for 3 months, plus I helped Mikey through his first hectic 6 months of Chemotherapy, so this all stands me in good stead for a decent placement.

I heard a couple of days ago from my sister-in-laws sister, Allison, who left the peebs a few years ago, that my eldest brother, Rob and his wife Asti are expecting their 3rd child!! They have Michaela (11) and Jayden (9) so this will be a proper 'laat lammetjie' (late lamb - directly translated). I am so happy for them, it will be lovely and good for them i think. Selfishly, I'm sad, it's hard to think they are going to have a child and I'll have another neice/nephew that i'll probably never know. Oh I miss them! It would be so great to hear from Rob, well all my siblings actually... I wander about them so often!

Last night i went to see The Mighty Boosh. My housemate & friend Luke, is a lampie and has been doing the lighting for this show for the past 3 months so I got a backstage pass, and got to meet and mix with celebrities...ha ha! Not that it thrills me like it thrills the screaming girls who wait outside the back exit to get autographs. I can't help treating them like normal people, i don't do that whole 'ooh, aah! i worship you' stuff. Although if it were Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie it may be different! he he! The Mighty Boosh is a theatre type comedy show, and also a TV series. The humour is silly, vulgar & hilarious...my sides were aching by the end of it. It was also interesting to sit by Luke and watch him doing the lighting. One wrong push of a button and the whole show is f*cked up. I don't think i'll ever fully understand how it all works, but it was very fascinating to get another aspect of theatre! We went for drinks backstage afterwards and it ended up being a pretty late night, but well worth it!

This weekend is plan-less...my what a change! And very welcome too! Although I may go out into the countryside tomorrow to visit Bryony and meet her friends...it's not fair that she always missions to London, besides it will be amazing to get out of the big smoke. I reckon Jo and I will probably do drum circle in Camden on Sunday(so i guess it's not really plan-less), and maybe get some more poi practice in! I'm doing a sun-dance!

A poem in the V&A Museum, below a beautiful sculpture. It made me think of precious Mikey, and my dad, the bestest dad ever, and I smiled.

Have a wonderful weekend and be safe!

Lots of love & peace from the Wandering Fairy xoxoxox

Beloved bredren!

The 'ex' Gang - Nev, Clive, Sarah & Neil
Lofty, Sarah, Me, Neil, Nift, Sarah, Clive, Trev, Sarah, fairy, Jane, Nift, Trev.

My Bredren!

If you dislike 'soppy' postings...then read no further.

Ok, so this is cheesy, sentimental & very weird maybe...but I can't find the words to explain how i feel after spending time at Neil, Sarah & Clive's place. Neville was there too so it was partly an ex peeb gathering but quite a few friends joined for the party on Friday night, and rejoined again on Saturday night.

I don't know if it's the ex-peeb connection thing(having been through the same shite, no need to explaina thing), or the fact that Neil and i grew up together (literally lived a block apart) or that they're just a wicked bunch...but it is seldom that i feel so completely comfortable and relaxed. And seldom that i feel like i'm leaving home everytime i leave their house, to catch that damn mega bus back from Bristol to London. Honest, tears well up in my eyes every time and i have to blink fast and hide my face so no-one can see what a baby i am...ha ha!

No need to go into the details of the weekend...the photo's say it all! Instead of me continuing to worship the ground that Neil, Sarah, Clive, Nev & their wonderful & wacky friends walk on, I'm going to this poem.. partly because it involves dance (and we did a lot of that) partly because this is how i feel about my connection with this bunch and mostly because it is one of the best poems ever, in my opinion...enjoy!

The Dance

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I have sent you my invitation,

the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.

Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”

Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,

spiraling down into the ache within the ache,

and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward

to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.

Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid

of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,

and see who I am in the stories I live.

And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.

Show me you can risk being completely at peace,

truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,

and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.

Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,

the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.

What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other,

let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,

the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.

And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole

again and again.

Show me how you take care of business

without letting business determine who you are.

When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price,

let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world

the stories and the songs

you want our children’s children to remember.

And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,

but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,

knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.

Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,

holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest

intentions has died away on the wind,

dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale

of the breath that is breathing us all into being,

not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!”

Just take my hand and dance with me.

Dave, Sarah, Matt, Matt, dancing boys, Sarah, Lofty, Matt, Trev, Neil, Dave, Jane.

Monday Morning Inspiration!

I opened my 40 emails this morning and amongst them were my Daily Guru inspirational/spiritual emails with some beautiful messages that I would like to share!

"When mystics use the word love, they use it very carefully -- in the deeply spiritual sense, where to love is to know; to love is to act. If you really love, from the depths of your Consciousness, that love gives you a native wisdom. You perceive the needs of others intuitively and clearly, with detachment from any personal desires; and you know how to act creatively to meet those needs, dexterously surmounting any obstacle that comes in the way. Such is the immense, driving power of love."
-- Eknath Easwaran

"Therefore, when I say that ‘I love,’ it is not I who love, but in reality Love who acts through me. Love is not so much something I do as something that I am. Love is not a doing but a state of being - a relatedness, a connectedness to another mortal, an identification with her or him that simply flows within me and through me, independent of my intentions or my efforts."
-- Robert A. Johnson

"When you are aware that you are the force that is Life, anything is possible. Miracles happen all the time, because those miracles are performed by the heart. The heart is in direct communion with the human soul, and when the heart speaks, even with the resistance of the head, something inside you changes; your heart opens another heart, and true love is possible."
-- Don Miguel Ruiz

"What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart."
-- Marshall B. Rosenberg

"The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another."
-- Thomas Merton

"When we experience the pain of another person, we instinctively want to take away that pain. But by taking away the other person’s pain, we also take away his or her opportunity to grow. To be truly compassionate, we must be able to share another person’s suffering and pain -- knowing there is nothing we can do to relieve it and that we are not responsible for it, and yet knowing and understanding what that pain feels like."
-- John Gray

Much love
fairy xoxo

Thomas's Monday Morning Poetry

Good morning all.

Last week I sent a little snippet of verse from the ‘Tao te Ching’, which is the first great classic of the Chinese school of philosophy called Taoism.
Well, here’s some more, and I shall be sending extracts out for the next few weeks.

China was once the major player in world economics and is on the brink of being the dominant force once again. Crisis, they are even promoting cricket- their names are going to be unpronounceable.

It is because every one under Heaven recognizes beauty
As beauty, that the idea of ugliness exists.
And equally if every one recognized virtue as virtue,
This would merely create fresh conceptions of
Wickedness.
For truly ‘Being and Not-being grow out of one another;
Difficult and easy complete one another.
Long and short test one another.
High and low determine one another.
Pitch and mode give harmony to one another.
Front and back give sequence to one another.’
Therefore the sage relies on actionless activity,
Carries on wordless teaching,
But the myriad creatures are worked upon by him; he
Does not disown them.
HE rears them, but does not lay claim to them,
Controls them, but does not lean upon them,
Achieves his aim, but does not call attention to what he does;
And for the very reason that he does not call attention to what he does
He is not rejected from fruition of what he has done.

Tootle pip,
Thomas

The Big 30!

No, no..not me... Tatiana! I still have 3 and a half years to go! Apologies for the late blog!

It was her birthday last Thursday which she celebrated in a very funky little loungey bar/restaurant Ruby & Sequoia! About 25 people must have showed up, from all different countries & walks of life but all as bubbly and interesting as Tati and we all blended together perfectly and made friends. Tatiana being the lively and beautiful soul that she is of course only attracts friendly people, so it was easy to make friends ;o) Needless to say, an evening that was originally going to end by 10 (i wanted to be in bed by 10.30!) ended in me only getting home by 1.30am. It was so worth it. Tati was wearing her dress & tan fresh from a holiday in Brazil!! On the left is an Australian girl from the Gold Coast, who has travelled tons and is really great. I suck with names, but i'm pretty sure it was Fiona. Of course Tatiana is not hard to spot & neither is the wandering fairy!
















Friday night was my friend Duncan's party on a boat on the Thames (one that doesn't move) called Tattershall Castle. Duncan has the strangest mix of friends...from super intelligent and very proper University students, to Computer Nerds & then, well, me & one other sweet tipsy Latvian girl who was trying to set me up with her shy friend(which didn't work, by the way)!! I only arrived at this party after 11.30pm after getting hopelessly lost and wandering around Trafalgar square trying to figure out which way the Thames was. And it was pissing with rain and i had my beautiful new but rather summery green shoes on! I eventually interupted a conversation between 2 london bobbies to get directions (sheize, should've got a photo with them!). They said i must 'be careful' at 'that place'! Ha ha! Could Tattershall Castle have a reputation? Well, possibly! When i wondered in, most people could hardly stand (except Duncan's friends, responsible fellows!) and there was really strange and disturbingly un-sexy people thinking they were super sexy dancing around the poles in the middle of the dancefloor. Why were there poles in the dancefloor? To keep the boat together or to entertain sober people watching their drunk mates? And NO! this was not a strip club of any sort! At the end of a fun night, 2 of Duncan's hilarious computer boff friends kindly walked me to Oxford Circus to catch a night bus home, which took over an hour! Oh, but you gotta love London.

On Saturday night Bryony, Cat, Jo & I headed for this Whirly Gig event that I was previously raving about. It was really a beautiful setting and atmosphere...see Cat's blog here, but here's her words

"We had been psyching ourselves up – hoping we would be surrounded by like minded fairies, hobbits, hippies and other fantastical creatures. But it turned out to be something quite different. There were a lot of young people – heck Jo and I thought this one young lad was attempting to pick us up when we were standing outside and he came over to ask our names. Jo shrugged him off (in a polite fashion as always!) and he responds by saying “It’s cool, no need, I am just trying to be happy.” After which we felt bad about assuming he was trying his luck with us!! How sad that we have grown up always being wary of people’s motives and intentions. I suppose there is just cause and reason for being wary, but still it is good to let go of this apprehension and suspicion, once in a while. Anyway back to my story…so we chilled out on the couches and gazed at the graphic/visual art on the screens above us. Wow! They are amazing, you get totally hypnotized and in trance with the images. They are so varied and random, but make for total and sublime visual pleasure. And we hadn’t even had one drink yet! We wandered around for a bit, but then decided to head back home and chill out there. "

I think I may still give Whirly Gig a whirl on another occasion, I enjoyed the atmosphere & people but am happy that on saturday night we decided to head home, cos we had a fantastic evening dancing around our lounge till after 2am, being indescribably free! 1 beer the whole night I might tell you. Who needs booze and drugs to have a good time?

A shortened version of sunday...the four of us girls went to camden to buy poi. Cat bought fire sticks, otherwise known as Staffs, and Jo couldn't find any she really liked & I bought ribbon poi with long lumo green & purple tails. I will take a picture playing with them sometime so you can see! Later in the day we headed to a drum circle at Akwaaba in Camden, which we didn't realise before the time was intermediate, so we all struggled to keep up with the pace. From now on we will go to the beginners class earlier on a sunday, just till we get the hang of it. Bryony bought a drum with a stunning sound to it, she is a natural!

I still think about Mikey stacks but am not so sad. I just really miss him sometimes. I dreamt a few weeks ago that he came out of his coma and got better and we were just walking on the beach together, and i just couldn't stop looking at him in wonder & catching every smile & look and i was so happy he was alive. And then I saw a dude at the tube station the other day who looked just like him...he had that khaki green t-shirt that was too short, jeans that almost showed his crack, the same height, the same walk, the same build, same tan and a red cap on back to front with an S on it. I started following, i don't know why, it was like a magnetic force was pulling me and my brain stopped functioning...he was walking through the crowd so fast and I started panicking that he'd disappear. Then i had to stop and laugh at myself for stalking a complete stranger, and send a giggle to Mikey for sending these little reminders that he is still with us, just in some other realm. Or maybe it was not a reminder from him at all, but a reminder from myself, not to forget, not to just brush the whole thing out of my mind but to go through the emotions. Healing takes time.

Another thing on my mind is my family! I got a letter and photo's from my mom last week...it is always so cool to hear from her and I don't know if she realises how much it means to me! I long to have more contact with the rest of them. I long to be a sister to Kerri, Robin, Wayne & Kelvin...to be an Aunty to all my neices and nephews and a sister-in-law to Astrid, Karen & Jess. I would love to be a better and closer daughter to my mom. I would love to be there for all of them and to share my life with them.

Last night I got stuck into ideas for this Backpacker/Hostel Business Plan. I really feel it all starting to flow, although i don't doubt it's going to take a long time to make the finished professional Business Plan. I will never know unless I try!

Fairy dust sprinklings on all xoxoxoxoxoxo

Brilliant!

Mark just sent this to me!

Is there hope for South Africa??

My friend Gary works in rural developments in the Eastern Cape & Transkei, teaching people to farm, and to be a community, whilst using his engineering degree by putting in water pumps & systems so locals don't have to walk miles to collect a bucket of water.

He gets satisfaction from seeing faces glow with joy and excitement when he puts a tap up in a village to provide running water, and from watching the community working together and growing enough vegetables to even sell some of them. He's a special man with the biggest smile & greatest heart, who gave up his fantastically well paid engineering job to do something meaningful, something to make a difference to our beautiful country.

Of course he also takes the locals to a clinic to be tested for HIV & out of 10 of them 8 are HIV positive. South Africa does not have the same treatment as the UK(sorry, not clued up on the differences), but there are several funerals in these communities every weekend. One of the most shocking things he told me was this...on a HIV Awareness billboard there was a sentence that said something like "Legend: If you have sex with a virgin you will not get HIV". English is a second language for all of these people and when Gary asked them if they knew what Legend meant, they had no idea. But they knew exactly what the rest of the sentence meant. So you can see what message they were getting. "If you have sex with a virgin you will not get HIV" Legend remains the truth..for years now many of my fellow Africans have firmly believed that sleeping with a virgin will remove their risk of HIV. Now I ask you...WHY would the person in charge of the campaign not realise this blatant mistake?? Now we wonder at children being raped and at the rapid spread of HIV.

I love South Africa passionately and it saddens me when I see an article such as this one on BBc today....


SA's Zuma 'showered to avoid HIV'

South African ex-Deputy President Jacob Zuma said he showered after sex with an HIV-positive woman, thinking this would reduce his risk of being infected.

Mr Zuma - a veteran of the ANC struggle to end apartheid and a favourite of the party's left wing - was once thought a likely successor to Thabo Mbeki as South African president.
But the allegations of rape and corruption are thought by many to have ended that prospect.
A separate corruption trial is scheduled to begin in the Durban High Court in July. Mr Zuma denies the corruption charge.

Will things change? Are things changing? If the ex-deputy president of SA believes something like this, is there any hope of preventing the spread of HIV. Is the education not working? It's a shocker!!

However, on a more positive note....Gary is just one of a growing number of people making a change to many people's lives and touching many hearts with his magic hands, mind & soul and massive open heart, his ability to befriend, educate & debate, to work not for much money, but for the love of it. He gives me hope for a bright future. Cheers to your good work and angelic heart Gar!! The question remains...what can I do to help?

Jo & Gary in Hogsback.

Gary & I in Hogsback in Jan, after a mud fight!

Bad mood betsy

My dear friend Kitty wrote a very inspirational blog this morning about conquering the monday blues. I must admit I am struggling...maybe it's because i'm just not a morning person and I'm fighting to keep my eyes open even though I had an early night. My night was filled with nightmare's I woke up to but couldn't remember...my family I think, like that time i dreamt that i was trying to protect them from bombs but they just kept running towards where the explosion was coming from....or the nightmare when my brother got a snake bite and i tried to get help from a nearby office and nobody would listen to me.

I just went for a walk to the post office and thought of the great weekend I had and then thought of all the things I wanted to say on my blog today and I decided that if I blog today I am sure I'll have you all slitting your wrists by the end of it but you'll also think I'm a terrible person, so I'm gonna rather save it for when the mood strikes and leave you with a beautiful poem that a friend sent to me this morning...I'm not sure who the poet is!

HOLIDAY ROMANCE

They run their fingers through my ferny fields,
strip nearly bare to touch my sand-brown skin,
cry out at all my practised tricks –
the waves' arched backs, and soft exploding sighs.

The next day they come
warily, on tiptoe with small gasps,
lie with me on the huge bed of the sea,
and stroke me, move with me on liquid limbs

till their hair is tangled and their pale wet bodies tired
and they imagine a return to large sun-creamy wives
who'll towel them down
until their chilled flesh stings.

None of them will leave these marriages for me,
though they all dream of it –
buying a place together where we'd both grow fat
living on ice-cream and brimming surf.

But soon they take their tearful leave
load their cars up, whisper sweet farewells
and abandon me to winter's shut cafés
and gales like sobs, the beaches goosepimpled with rain.

I like to think of them back home,
shaking out their clothes
and finding, caught like perfume on a scarf,
stray grains of sand they let run through their hands.