There's nothing quite like waking up to the sight of the sun peeping through the curtains, the sound of birds, sheep and cows, snuggling in for a few minutes with my wonderful husband and amazing little girl, and then getting up for a lovely morning yoga stretch -with the help of my little girl, who clambers all over me- she helps me to remain playful, not to be so serious, so ambitious, but just to enjoy every moment, every movement and feel the fresh air I'm breathing in, being absorbed into every cell of my being. A kiss and cuddle when I'm upside down, breaks us both down into fits of giggles and fills me with this feeling of warmth and love, which I can compare to no other.
Spring has sprung....the daffodils, crocuses & snow drops are out. The sun is slowly warming up, rising earlier, setting later. Life is sweet and I feel so incredibly blessed to have all that I have.
I'm feeling more relaxed and happier about things I sometimes feel stressed about. I wanted to get Erin potty trained before baby arrives and preferably before South Africa. But she's not ready, and that doesn't matter now. It's really no hassle to change her nappies, so what was I getting so stressed about? She'll do it when she's ready.
I was also feeling stressed about getting her out of our bed at night. She goes to sleep in her cot but comes into our bed when she wakes in the night. I fought it for ages, because I believed it necessary for her to sleep on her own, but recently having given it some thought I realised how hard (and unnatural) it is for a kid to be shoved in a cold, empty cage away from the beating hearts of those who love and care for her. Besides I love her in the bed. She's warm and cuddly and I know she's safe and hasn't stopped breathing. We get to go to bed on our own, just Steven and I, but wake up with her. It's perfect. It also saves trying to settle her on her own in her room at night, or leave her to cry - which is so absolutely against the natural instinct of a mother (I don't care what Gina Ford says! She doesn't have any children of her own!) She's not going to want to be in our bed forever....I plan on treasuring every moment. I think we are the only mammals that don't sleep with our young, it does seem incredibly harsh and unnatural....and it's always a mission, so why do it? And contrary to belief it is not dangerous to co-sleep and in fact reduces risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome with tiny babies (as long as parents aren't drunk or high on drugs)
As Helen Shanahan(our lovely Cornish NCT Breastfeeding Counsellor) says in her article about co-sleeping:
You don’t find cats, dogs, monkeys etc putting their young to sleep in a separate place - they sleep beside their mum, where it is warm, where the milk is, where the mum can attend to the infant quickly if it stirs or is hungry or cold.
In our 21st century life, there is a great emphasis on getting the baby to be independent, to sleep on its own, and to sleep through the night as soon as possible, and many parenting books, websites and chat rooms devote reams of space to this subject. A human baby is very immature at birth, and is seeking warmth, food and contact/reassurance as much as possible day and night in the early weeks and months. If these needs are satisfied, he or she can grow both physically and in emotional and psychological security, and become more independent later.
Bedsharing may be one of the ways in which the baby can have these needs satisfied at night, with as much rest as possible for mum too. Bedsharing enables mum to tune into the baby’s feeding cues quickly, so that the baby doesn’t have to resort to crying and getting upset to get attention. A breastfeeding mum can feed in comfort, especially if she learns to feed lying down. Sleep hormones are released during breastfeeding, which means both mum and baby fall back to sleep quickly. Also, bedsharing mums are more likely to breastfeed for longer – or perhaps we could say mums who breastfeed for more than the early weeks/months are more likely to bedshare? Either way, breastfeeding itself has many health benefits for mum and baby, not least reducing the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), so anything which supports breastfeeding is a positive thing.
I was also in a rush to stop breastfeeding Erin...almost being manipulated by societys common (and when I think about it, rather strange) belief that when a child is walking and talking you should take them off breastmilk and instead put them on milk designed for a calf (who gains around 1.5 to 2 lbs per day), or else on milk made in a factory. Why do we have this very peculiar notion? Do any other mammals do this??
I wondered how I would breastfeed through pregnancy. So far I have not had any problem (and I'm 27 weeks pregnant). I worried about how I would breastfeed two children. Mammals do it and so do many other moms out there, and thanks to local groups like Wishing Well I do not feel so alone and weird anymore. Just google "tandem breastfeeding".
Bottom line...know that I have managed to let go of preconceptions - It feels right. Erin and I enjoy the closeness of breastfeeding, plus Erin is reaping massive benefits nutritionally. As a result she has a reduced chance of getting Leukemia, and I have reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancer. I feel angered when breastfeeding is thought of as obscene in some way...it is the most natural thing in the world, and because breasts have been sexualised, it's somehow thought of as the most unnatural thing in the world. Isn't the human race quite strange, if you think about it?
Anyway, what matters is that I feel at ease about still breastfeeding. I don't worry as much about what others think. I feel I am doing what is right for Erin and I.
Spring has somehow made me feel more relaxed about life, about letting things flow as nature intended rather than fighting and struggling to conform or do what would please others the most, even if it's against gut instinct. I am happy and life is fantastic!
We spent a lovely week on our friends farm, farmsitting. We fed alpacas, horses, sheep, chickens, goats, dogs, cats, fish, llamas, ponies, hens, wild birds and a mule. We milked goats, collected eggs, planted seeds, watered plants, lit fires and more. This is the farm where we used to live, where Erin was conceived. This is where our very dear farm family live. This is another reason (possibly the main one) for me feeling so blessed. Knowing I am loved and cared for, and that I love and care equally. Feeling my hands in the earth, the sun on my back, watching flowers blossom, birds tweet. There's nothing quite like it. Aah spring. The new life, new beginnings.
Happy Spring Everybody!
