Email 4 - stuff

Dear friends

Just an update on the memorial service and whats been happening here in SA as promised. Hopefully this'll make it more real for Mike's friends who are still pinching yourselves trying to believe he has gone. I am still pinching myself and I am here!

When I heard that I wouldn't be able to see Mikey again, I could not handle being so close to where he was and I think Hogsback was the best remedy. Jodene & I drove up to East London(SA!!) for last Friday night, where we met up with Gary & spent the evening dancing in the local African clubs. We were a complete novelty being the only white people there and they thought we must be tourists, but we were proud to let them know that we were Africans, heart & soul, just like themselves. We decided to head for Hogsback (aka fairyland) the next day, with Gary. We stayed in a backpackers called Away with the Fairies, which had a view over a magnificent valley of forests, waterfalls and the entire fairy kingdom. We spent Sunday hiking to a waterfall called Madonna & Child, through the rainforests, and of course we had get under the waterfall. The day was filled with moments of sadness, fits of giggles, good conversation and mud fights, sunshine, rain and this crazy pretty mist. It was a magical day, with great company and so much beauty. On monday morning I heard that Mikey had died, and was obviously so sad. Although I knew it was gonna happen, letting go and actually realising that i was never gonna see him in body again was so difficult! Gary picked 2 arum lillies, one for me, one for Jo & took us to the Eco-shrine in Hogsback. We walked to the pond which is on the edge of the valley and in it were water lillies and loads of japanese koi. My dad used to grow waterlillies and breed japanese koi...I felt like he was there and we'd come to the perfect place. I left the arum lilly in the pond. A full circle.

Yesterday morning Mike's good friend and ex flatmate Lance said some special words about Mikey (or rather got the DJ to say them) on local Radio Algoa FM and chose out 8 of Mikey's ole favorite songs. Some of us friends gathered at Karls house to listen and be together. I can't remember all of the songs but there was Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning, U2- Beautiful Day, James Blunt- Goodbye My Lover, Counting Crows-Mr Jones, Avril Lavigne- Dam Cold Night...Karl taped it, I have a copy.

Just thought I'd let you know that the memorial service yesterday was sad but beautiful. There were surfboards, Mikey's guitar up in the church, a wooden cross with a gold ribbon on it, blue flowers representing waves and a beautiful projected picture of Mikey which just made me cry to look at. The family picked some music that he enjoyed in his last days. We were each given a rose and went to go put it in vases in the front of the church and say a little something to our Mikey under our breath. It was amazing to see how many people turned up and when his family commented on that to me I told them that that was probably less than a fifth of the people who'd have liked to have been there. The family has been through so much, yet have remained so strong. I want to say things to help them, but I don't know what to say. I hope my hugs are enough.

After the service all his friends went to the beach and his surfer friends all paddled out, as is done when a surfer dies, they held hands and had a quiet moment and let a bag of roses loose in the waves. They wanted me to come in, and for Mikey I did try, but I swallowed half the ocean and imagined i was drowning, since Debs & I were sharing a long board and trying to get it through the waves sideways, every wave just crashing straight up my nose and into my mouth...ha ha!! I think Mikey was having a good ole chuckle at me! I could just hear him saying "come on, don't be a wuss, you can do it Shazzie!", yet holding up the surfboard and helping me to get my balance and making me believe that I could do it. But I was scared, you understand Mikey! We all had a braai at Karls house last night and it was good to just spend some time together and talk about and laugh and cry at all the wicked, funny and incredible memories we have shared with him.

Jodene left this morning, I have been with her since she arrived in PE and was really sad to see her go! She has been so supportive and we're comfortable enough to just be plain miserable together, but she also has this way of lifting me up and reminding me that Mikey is actually still with us, just in another realm. The couple I'm staying with, Rob & Sheila Caterall, have been great and so supportive too. As have you guys via text and email. thank you!

I just got a text from Karl (Mikes best friend) this morning saying:
"Mike's last wish was that his ashes be scattered at supertubes surf spot in Jeffreys Bay. The family and I arrived here at supers at 7.30 this morning. It was off shore clean with four foot sets.Perfect as it was meant to be. Jason(mikes brother in law) and I paddled out. We laid some roses in the water for him and scattered his ashes at the top of supers at 8am. If any of you miss him you can come and sit on the deck at supers and look up the line to the top of supertubes, as there he is waiting for the next set. Karl. Please pass on to all his friends."

going to meet up with Mike's friends at Barney's now, some are heading back to Cape Town tomorrow so I want to say bye. I don't think I'm going to come to CT as I originally thought I might, I still have stuff to organise here and am looking after Rob & Sheilas guesthouse for the whole of next week, and am looking forward to just spending chilled days on the beach and by the pool before heading back to cold cold london. I know some of you have not been able to get through to my cell phone, the landline here is 0027 (0) 41-5860459.(guest house number so pls don't call too late)

Much Love
Shaz x

ps. I'm getting a tan....woohooooo!!!