Return of the Wanderer

"Where has she been hiding?" some have asked. The answer is "duh...thats what us faery's do best!" We would not be these beautiful, fantastical, mysterious, mischievous, incredibly secretive creatures, creators of myths and fairy tales, if we couldn't hide properly. And i mean PROPERLY!

This time it wasn't my body that was doing the wandering. It was my mind, my heart, my soul. All over. Never in the same place for more than a minute. Indecisive, confused and strangely content with the topsy-turviness that this causes.

Drama fairy queen:- attract drama, collect drama, thrive on it for a while and then...whoopsy daisy and it turns into this big black hole of unattractive drama that there is no escape from. Then it's dealing with drama, and trying not to become drama, and trying so hard not to attract more drama but never succeeding. Lets face it, drama is fun until it turns ugly! Now that i have proven that i've lost the plot and nobody knows what i am talking about, will someone get me to the psych ward!!

Ok, some sense now. My weekend was a shocker! Friday was our work Christmas lunch at an awesome Japanese restaurant called Matsuri, in Green Park. I had a 5 course meal(which gets cooked at the table!!) ending in fried ice-cream...oh my word, it was amazing!! Needless to say, I was soooo full and perhaps it was that that brought on a headache. Anyway, my bruv Jacob had been staying with me for over a week and it was his farewell on Friday night at Crobar in Central London(he left with a one way ticket to Thailand on Saturday morning, brave boy). Crobar is a heavy metal club, which wasn't as dark and unfriendly as i'd anticipated, although there definitely were no other fairies there! Anyway the headache I had turned into something almost unbearable(i'm sure the metal didn't help much) and i was back home and in bed at 9 on friday evening. I couldn't even turn the light on. I woke up with it on Saturday at 12 again, and got total paranoia that i had a brain tumour or something, i felt like something was growing behind my right eyeball...but by saturday night it was gone and A.D.D kicked in and i started dancing around the house like a mad thing(couldn't find the Ritalin...dammit) after watching a movie with Dave, but then passed out at about 12. Was cool as always to catch up and chill with Dave. I woke up on Sunday morning to a thumping party in my lounge. Went downstairs, only to be offered lines of Ketamine. I couldn't think of anything worse than beginning my day snorting horse tranquiliser, so, as usual, i gave that a miss. I think my housemates secretly respect my ability to say no to all their offerings. They are good people and I really like them a lot and I adore living with them, so i still fairied out in the lounge for a while, danced around and had some laughing gas which gives you an intense 10 second rush and you get this massive grin on your face. Then in the afternoon i sunk into the depths of i dunno what, horrible dark lonesome feelings. So my Hungarian friend, Attila, and I went to camden and spoke shit and laughed and drank cocktails for hours...twas good! So all in all, a pretty whacky weird weekend, but all's well that ends well.

Petal and Monkey(aka Simone & Shaun) left last week thursday for sunny south africa. They have done their time here. That was a sad sad day for me. Even though I haven't spent loads of time with them, just knowing they were here and emailing and phoning all the time brought us really close. I really love them a lot. They left me with a card which they told me not to read in front of them because it was emotional, so instead i read it on the half-full train home. Bright idea. I must have looked so pretty with my swollen red eyes and snotty nose. They also gave me a teddy bear with the hugest feet and such a cute poem on the back. Made me giggle!! Me being fairy shazza, queen of forgetfulness and lateness and procrastination bought them a card 5 minutes before i was meant to meet them and didn't get around to writing in it. Typical. But I shall see them soon.

Mike left on the 2nd for Port Elizabeth. It was good to spend a couple of hours at the airport with him and his parents and Shelly. He is so special to me, i don't think he believes me when i say that, but we also got really close again and now i MISS him!! We all stayed brave until he was wheeled into the lift, and as the lift doors closed we all burst into tears and held each other. That night i got drunk on 2 glasses of wine and puked...4 times...dunno what was up with that!

He had his operation yesterday, apparently he waved to his mom when he came out of the theatre so he's ok. He is in high care for 24 hours and in hospital for about 5 days. It was a big, horrible op. As far as i understand, they actually cut off pieces of bone on his lower vertebrae (and of course remove a piece of the tumour) and put in metal pins...and all this for pain relief?? Well I just hope he makes a quick recovery and they can start treating the other growths with radiation. Oh, I just wish there was some miracle cure. Or at least that he would not suffer in any way. I wish i could just have the pain for him, but i know i couldn't be half as brave as he is. Sending loads of healing fairy energies and love.

I have decided to head back to SA, but just for a month. I am going to book my flight for around the 16th of January and go and catch some sunshine & see me mates back home. I heard a whisper via Mikey of a trip to the Kei (Transkei - my favouritest place in the whole wide world) with JODENE. Gosh, I cannot wait to see that girl! I miss her so much! I hope that maybe i can plan it so that i can pop into east london for a visit with Gary and family on the way there or back, but we'll see. I haven't even spoken to Jo Jo. Of course I'd love to catch a bus to Cape Town to see Petal & Monkey & Davey & Doonkman & Allison & Angie and her new baby too...but we'll have to see how that goes! I'm sooo looking forward to catching up with Tanya in PE and of course all me old party mates Karlos, Hendrik, Jason...I'm sure there are more. And of course I am looking forward to spending time with Mikey and staying with my other mom and dad, Rob and Sheila. They are so good to me, can't wait to catch up!

Here in London, life trots on. I go to work when it's dark, I go home when it's dark. I am weighed down by a heavy coat which I (stupidly) bought in beige and it now has subtle coloured markings all over, and i cannot give it up to have it dry-cleaned because then i shall freeze my pretty fairy nipules off. This weather stinks, but it is not as bad as I had prepared myself for. There is still loads to do and see, and it's just a matter of getting off my ass and doing them. It's just too tempting to stay in and eat pizza and watch tv or read in bed....watch the kilo's pile on, yeehaa! I keep saying I'm going to find a yoga class, but that hasn't materialised yet. I swear, I AM the queen of procrastination. It’s a problem… Which leads me to this quote I got in an email (I get inspirational quotes emailed to me daily from the daily guru.com)

"Live Now" We lose the power of the moment because we're so rarely in it. We're reliving the past or speculating about the future. We continue to believe that tomorrow's the day when I'll be more capable, more wealthy, more fit and more loving. Meanwhile, I'm just putting in time, dreaming of better things but not making any concrete move to realize them.When you find yourself thinking of the future or the past, bring your awareness into the present moment.

Really experience how you feel and what’s happening around you, without judgment. If we can treasure each moment, our lives will be rich, no matter what we have accomplished.

"Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered for they are gone forever."-- Horace Mann

"If, before going to bed every night, you will tear a page from the calendar, and remark, 'there goes another day of my life, never to return,' you will become time conscious." A. B. Zu Tavern

Last weekend Neville came down from Coventry and after puking on wine and watching horror and Christmas movies with Shelly and Petal the whole day I met up with him for a house party on Saturday night and then spent Sunday in Camden with him and Jake. It is rad to have another ex-peeb around, we do have some connection and understanding that someone who was never in the cult cannot have.

This evening I am going to the movies with Somayya, and then I will probably sleep at her place. We have not spent much time together, so I hope this will be good for us. It will be fun to have a girlie sleep over, and eat junk food and talk till stupid o’clock.

On the weekend Sanel is down for Saturday and Shelly wants to go shopping and dancing, so I reckon the 3 of us will spend the day together and hopefully top it off with a dance sess at the Whitehouse in Clapham. Janine texted last night to say she has Friday and Saturday off, so I am HOPING I will be able to persuade her to come to London, otherwise I will go through to Reading to spend Friday night with her. I miss that chick so much. I haven’t seen her in ages!!

This has been the longest posting ever, I am sorry to bore you!! By the way, I have a new phone(with an mp3 player…wooohooo!) and new number…if I have not given it to you friends, email me.

I have to end with this poem written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York hospital, it was distributed by her doctor:

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away. Life is not a race. Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

STRENGTH, LOVE, HOPE AND LAUGHTER FROM THE WANDERING FAIRY!