she posts again!!!

29/04/2007

Well, here I am…forced to my room by a disgusting cold. Call me a wimp, but I hate feeling unwell and I feel entitled to tell the world that I feel miserable. Not quite jump off a bridge miserable, but miserable enough to moan. A lot. Poor Steven.

Life on the farm is still cold. I keep thinking it’s going to warm up, and I am petrified that when it does it will only last for a few weeks and be gone. I have been jokingly threatening to fly south, but this is becoming increasingly tempting, although not possible in reality if I want to live in England, since I can’t get much further South! I shouldn’t complain. We’ve had a few sweltering(25 degrees C)days and I’ve been on my knees, worshipping the sun with my entire being while poor hubby suffers from sunstroke. We are like completely different species when it comes to temperature. When I’m shivering and putting the heater on, he’s kicking off the bed covers, opening the window and gulping the cool air through every pore of his naked body. My body’s always icy, while his is boiling, which works quite well actually as a cuddle cools him down and warms me up. I love his cuddles!

A lot has happened since I last blogged. Last week two of the Ewes on the farm gave birth to twins. We parked the campervan outside the barn where the ewes spent the nights(and were bound to give birth any moment). We slept in the campervan as couples and took turns checking them on the hour throughout the night. First night was Carmen and Mez, second was Steven and I, and on the third night Andrew & Julie. The first 2 nights were uneventful, though filled with suspense as the ewes were acting strangely and making funny noises. Andrew came and knocked on our door at 2am to say that ones waters had broken. The whole household pulled clothes on and arrived at the barn and five minutes later out popped a little, wet, yellow boy lamb. The mommy licked him until he started breathing and then delivered the next baby, a little girl. We spent the next few hours trying to teach the babies where to find the teats and Julie and Steven ended up bottle feeding them Colostrum (bought dried), just in case they hadn’t had enough from mom. Colostrum is the first milk they get from their mum and is full of vital antibodies that they need in order to be strong and survive. The first born were named Steve and Sharry. The following afternoon when I was at my carejob, the next two were born. They were called Polly and Emiko, after 2 other wwoofers…I will attempt to post photo’s! They are too cute!

Majority of the trees and plants are full of green leaves now. Some in blossom, some have come and gone. Strawberry season has become and we have a constant supply of the most delicious organic strawberrys at out disposal. We don’t sell any, so anything we can’t eat, we freeze for the winter. Strawberry’s with honey on toast are yummy, as are strawberry’s in salad. I’m trying to convince Steve that a strawberry wrapped in a basil leaf is delicious, but I know he just agrees to stop me from shoving them down his throat constantly.

All went fantastically well during our five days of farm sitting. I thoroughly enjoyed having the 2 little dogs in our room, and I think they enjoyed it too. Especially Henry, who crept on to the bed in the middle of the night and lay really still near my feet, pretending not to be there at all. Megan enjoyed bounding onto the bed in the morning and decided she could get her best chance at licking my face when I was half asleep. They are very cute. I simply can’t imagine my life without animals now, nor without fresh produce and daily contact with nature. What will we do? Anyone want to sponsor us a piece of land?

We lost some guinea pigs due to old age and rescued some new ones who have had babies since. It’s amazing how guinea pigs pop out fully developed and have a full coat of hair and are running around within 10 minutes, just like miniature adults.

Our tomatoes are now tied up on their canes and actually have fruit which is growing by the day, so soon, we will be adding tomato to our freshly picked salads. Spring onion is ready and we’ve gone through the rocket which has now been taken out and new rocket planted. The baby spinach is not so baby anymore but is still scrumptious in salad as well as Julies delicious lasagne.

Weeding has been a never ending task, which I thoroughly enjoy and Steven has had to learn to enjoy. It’s like washing dishes or poo picking. Quiet, repetitive, meditative and therapeutic. Although sometimes I think too much at times like that and over analyse every situation until I convince myself I’m a terrible person…don’t ask! I’m constantly beating myself up because I know I could be or do better, be more educated, less stupid, less jealous, more thoughtful, more sympathetic, less ignorant, more knowledgeable and more talkative and I’m constantly comparing myself to people who I think are better than me. I should be a nicer wife, a better friend, I should phone, email, write, blog. I think the totally unnecessary age old guilts, fears and insecurities are having trouble falling by the way. I also think my bluntness, my South African-ness, gives me a great disadvantage. I often say things that I mean in a perfectly good humour and I’m just aware that I’ve raised eyebrows. And that makes me petrified of ever opening my mouth again as the last thing I want to do is upset those around me, as it is them that I love. I need a shrink again. Isn’t it weird that when life should be absolutely perfect, something still isn’t right? The wondering, wandering, pondering fairy is still here.

Moving on…

Steven has recently decided to follow his passion…film. He’s applied to do a BA in film studies at the Uni in Falmouth, which has an excellent Film department. It will be 3 years full time and we’ll have to figure out how we’ll afford it as we go along, but I know that this is the only thing in the world that he’ll be truly happy doing and he must (and I know he can) do it! I know he’s so afraid of failure, but how can someone who has so much passion for something fail at it?

I’ve been toying with the idea of becoming a Waldorf Steiner teacher, for at least the 10th time in the last 5 years. I’m not sure what’s holding me back, but I do know that we can’t both study fulltime and it’d take me 5 years to do it part-time and would involve a trip up to Plymouth every 2 weeks. I have heard more stories about Steiner schools that have made me believe that they are not all that I think they are and I don’t know if I’m using this as my excuse to postpone applying. I’m just not sure. Perhaps I should go spend a few days at a Steiner school to see for myself, but even the thought of that scares me shitless. What if they see what an ignoramus I am? How uneducated? How petrified I can be of making conversation? How easily I am affected and influenced by things others say? How very human I am? Hey, maybe it’s not for me. But yet I can’t help thinking how amazing the psychology behind the creative teaching methods is. And I can’t help thinking of those few people I’ve met who’ve gone through Steiner Education and how centred and grounded they seem. They really seem to know who they are and what there place is in the world. Maybe I just want to know who I am and what my place is in the world…hmmm.

I have volunteered to be Team Captain for a Relay for Life event. I need to get between 8 and 15 people together and we need to raise funds for Cancer Research. For obvious reasons, cancer research is something that I feel passionately enough to want to raise funds for and I have loads of ideas. I figure I may actually pull my finger out and put some of my business ideas into practice in this selfless attempt to raise funds, which will also give me an idea as to whether there is a market for some things locally and hopefully motivate me into doing something for myself in the future. But let me actually get the ball rolling before I brag about things I may or may not do.

fairy dust and sneezes xxx